Ive always looked for more meaning in everything I do and create !
There has to be purpose and meaning for something to come to life in my creative mind. Its often sent me down rabbit holes, tied me in knots and made me question my sanity.
I always knew that little voice was there; buried deep down within but since I was 16 years old I choose to drown that voice out because I had no faith in the words spoken.
I intentionally cut it off, silenced it and chose to ignore the echos of the conversation within me.
Ive no idea why, I chose to make my life so complicated. The very intense walls of protection that I built around me really did me no favours and offered me no protection as the war was internal !
I just simply locked myself within the war zone – Why would anyone choose to lock themselves within a battle ground where the only warrior is your self and you keep knocking your self down in order to get back up to fight again , knock your self out again.. and so the cycle continues. Who knows WHY ? Ive always been a warrior and that was always clear to me but it took me nearly 30 years to realise I had been fighting an internal war that I created myself.
Now … that seems such a waste of energy doesn’t it ?
I am a CREATOR and I created my own dark world of self destruction and internal pain. WHY ? you may ask… well I will save that for another time as of course there is always a WHY behind every action and its important to understand WHY we do create the things we do !
The pandemic forced many of us to withdraw from the world. There was a distinct sense of the old ways dying out, the mourning of an old life took hold.
As the world shut down and stood still, it became impossible to not hear that little forgot voice that had been silenced for so long. There was no longer the everyday distractions and the speed of life to drown that inner voice out. The isolation from everyday life and connections became the opportunity my inner voice needed to be heard once and for all !
The more I sat in silence and contemplated the state of the world, the louder the voice inside became. A whole new world was coming to life within me.
I felt the recognition of something more, something greater, a divine connection to nature and it felt so comfortable and was the only thing that really seemed to make sense to me. I absolutely felt a change from within for which I was delighted to embrace and actively encourage.
So many questions !!
A new mission, a craving for a purpose, a direction……
Every day I silently tried to work out what the pieces of the puzzle that were being laid out in front of me actually looked as a whole ? I wanted to jump straight to the finished puzzle and know what it was going to look like. There was no finished picture on the box, no instruction guide, no how to solve the puzzle short cut. Damn !!!
With all my wedding work cancelled, one project remained on the table – a styled shoot in Tulum, Mexico. A project created as a portfolio builder for destination wedding photographers with my friend Maria Limon www.marialimon.com under the collaboration label ” Style Led Creatives”
With borders closing & travel restrictions in place – travelling 11 hours to work seemed highly unlikely but yet we continued to plan ahead.
Whilst contemplating the concept for this styled shoot in Tulum there was no question that spirituality was going to have a say in this matter !
Visual inspiration appeared effortlessly for the shoot but it was more than a visual impact that I was craving. It was an absolute emotional shift and everything around the concept became deeply personal.
A spiritual connection & need to feel grounded was the foundation for this shoot – I felt a strong need to create a sense of freedom. A celebration of divinity and connection. The more I worked through the concept of connecting to something greater than myself , the more I felt part of something cosmic and divine in nature.
Amongst all the sitting in silence I felt a strong pull to travel – this was obviously the direct opposite to everything we were being ordered to do across the world. Stay Home + Dont Travel was the message being delivered in the outside world. Friends & Family constantly questioned my travel plans. I decided to shut all the noise out from outside, switched off the news and began really focusing on getting on a plane and traveling to Tulum during this pandemic. Getting to Tulum was the start of something more than a styled shoot for me – it was a journey to find myself.
I spent a month visualising packing my suitcase, arriving at the airport and believing that I had already been to Tulum to complete the project. My internal belief that I was going to travel to Tulum to complete this creative mission was so strong, determined and with absolute focus. I knew even when the boarders were closing around me, the window of opportunity was shrinking, I had absolute faith that I was going to travel to Mexico in Feb 2021. When I felt the seeds of doubt creeping into my mind, I hit the google search bar and found someone to support me on my spiritual journey – “a lightworker” named Norina who I instantly felt connected to through our zoom sessions. I took great comfort in the insights she gave me and the encouragement for my trip to Tulum.
I felt like I was literally being pulled physically to Tulum, Mexico. A string was pulling me in that direction from within. Every where I looked I was seeing constant signs that I had to travel to Tulum.
I knew deep inside that the initial purpose to travel to Tulum wasn’t the intended purpose at all……..
PART 2 to follow shortly.
In the mean time, enjoy the beautiful imagery captured by
Photographer Emma Lundberg www.the-bold-americana.com at the Style Led Creatives Style Shoot in Tulum Feb 2021.
Head to the full gallery below to discover the team behind this collaborative styled shoot.